These people are unaware that time may not be on their side. The reason nothing feels right is because they are asking the wrong question and they are not yet aware.įor people who are stuck fighting with their thoughts, for them, there is no clear answer so they sit directionless committed only to what they feel safe to commit to which is for many “the need for more time and freedom”. Should I stay? Should I go? What should I do, nothing feels right. ![]() Some people are stuck because of the years of investment, some are worried if their partner will cope if they leave, and some are concerned about the kids and if the split will damage them. This is then contrasted in their mind with looking at the relationships past and knowing exactly what they didn’t like about it knowing the future cannot/must not be that way, they really have had enough, but if they stay the chances are really high it will be the same. What if they are really the problem after all and they will be responsible for destroying their family? I may hurt myself or those I love if I leave. The other part could look at that uncertainty of a new life and become fearful, what if the grass really isn’t greener? What if they will swap one set of problems for another? What if my marriage in limbo is because it’s me I can’t trust They may feel on one hand that leaving would stop their suffering and bring instant relief and provide the hope of a new life either alone or with someone new, so one part of them is excited. To expand this paralysis thought process. These people will have a powerful internal battle, it will say don’t commit to the relationship, it’s not safe to, and don’t leave it, it’s not safe to either. ![]() They live in a marriage limbo internal battle I’ve seen depression, anxiety and stress some are even suicidal as life feels unwinnable. Some people in this situation can make themselves, physically and mentally unwell as they battle with such a life-changing decision. These people are lost because they are never connecting with an outcome that makes sense because every outcome creates a reason to stay paralysed. They seek help because they are permanently sitting in no man’s land constantly feeling that something is very wrong, but with no way out. Many individuals that are this stuck, do eventually seek some kind of help. This situation is frustrating for both people and must change in a way that helps both people uncover the truth so they can both avoid mistakes and regret spirals. Their problem is simple, they have been looking at their problem in a way that keeps them in limbo, but they are unaware this is what they are doing.Ī significant number of my clients come to see me with this very problem they are stuck in limbo, paralysed not able to commit to being in the relationship or being out of it. In simple terms, the solution to the problem of being in limbo is helping them see their problem in solvable terms. This post is about understanding if presented with this problem what’s needed to help that couple out of it. For many people, that decision is fraught with consequences that are good and bad whichever way they turn so they become paralysed. ![]() When a person becomes unhappy in a marriage for some the direction they must take is clear to them. What do you do when a person is so stuck in their marriage, that they cannot decide what to do, so they do nothing week after week, month after month? They don’t contribute, there’s no intimacy, no connection and yet they don’t want to leave either.
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